Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2009

Merry Christmas and a happy new Year 2009. Harapan kami di malam Natal kita sekali lagi berjumpa secara pribadi dengan KRISTUS. Doa kami sekeluarga ada penghiburan dan kekuatan yang baru di malam Natal ini.

We that love and care for you,

Dave and Novie

WALKING THROUGH YOUR WILDERNESS

  WALKING THROUGH YOUR WILDERNESS
Have you ever prayed, "Lord, be relentless with me!" and really meant
it? The heart burden of that prayer is an intense desire that God will bring
to completion all His purposes for your life, no matter what it costs in
sacrifice or suffering or discipline. If I honestly pray such a prayer, I may
be setting the stage for difficult times ahead. Difficult? Yes! But full of
excitement, fruitfulness and fulfillment!
 
God will not pamper me, nor will He spare me the pains that are necessary to bring me up to the measure He has designed me to fill. If God has appointed for me a task of deliverance or leadership, I will, in the process of preparation, walk through a wilderness experience that is a great deal more pronounced and intense than the common ordinary variety of trials that all believers experience.
 
Jesus was in the wilderness forty days tempted of the devil, but he came forth from that intense time of testing in the power of the Holy Spirit
and began to cast out demons, heal the sick, and bring deliverance to the
captives. The word "drove" in Mark 1:12 indicates how important this
wilderness experience was. "And immediately the Spirit drove him into the
wilderness." This was no gentle leading. The word "drove" carries a burning urgency. Jesus was compelled by the Spirit. It was something Jesus, as a man, could not avoid if He was to fulfill all He was sent to do and to be.
 
God gave Abraham a promise of unusual fruitfulness, prosperity, and
influence, but between the time of the promise and the time of fulfillment
lay a wilderness of 25 years of walking by faith alone with no sign of the
promised blessing. This long dry spell was necessary to perfect Abram as the
father of those who walk in faith and to help him accept the name Abraham
instead of Abram. Abram means "exalted father" but Abraham means
"father of a multitude."
 
Joseph, as a young man, dreamed dreams of being used of God in a
place of responsibility and authority. He saw the vision long before he was
qualified to assume the role. Joseph had to walk through an agonizing
wilderness of reproach, resentment, false accusation, slavery, and
imprisonment before he was ready to function effectively as the Prime
Minister of Egypt and the deliverer of Israel in a time of famine.
 
The apostle Paul walked through his wilderness in Arabia before he emerged as a leader among God's people in the early church. If we knew the spiritual biography of every man or woman whom God has greatly used, we'd soon see that they all had something in common. They could all point to a wilderness they had walked through before they came into an experience of abundant fruitfulness to the glory of God and the good of mankind.
 
Are you faced with a wilderness experience that you have sought to avoid? Is the Holy Spirit urging you to a course of action that will result in personal growth and development for you and deliverance for those who sit in darkness?
 
Moses became a leader and a deliverer only after he spent 40 years in a lonely wilderness. When he was finally convinced that he was nothing in his
own strength, then God appeared to him and called upon him to go in the
strength and authority of Jehovah and deliver Israel from Egyptian bondage. If we can see the true nature of our wilderness and what God designs for us in it, we will be better able to bear the pain and inconvenience of walking through it. Here are some things to consider about your own personal wilderness:
 
First, your wilderness is good for you. The Spirit drives or urges you
into your wilderness because it is the will of God for you. And the will of God
is always good.
 
Second, your wilderness will be uncomfortable. It is a time of fiery
trial, testing and discipline. It is said of Jesus that "Although He were a son, yet learned He obedience by the things which he suffered." Down through the ages, men and women of God who have been mightily used of God have gone through the fire and through the flood in some personal way. Praise God for the promise in Isaiah 43:2 that when we to through the floods He will be with us and they will not sweep us away. And when we go through the fire, we will not be burned!
 
Third, your wilderness points to an increase in power and effectiveness. Jesus' wilderness issued forth in a mighty ministry of deliverance. The scope and measure of your wilderness and your ministry will be unique to you, but there will be a great deliverance wrought for you and for others as a result of your cooperation with God in walking patiently through your wilderness.
 
Fourth, your wilderness is a time of character building. The apostle Paul said, "The sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared to the glory that shall be revealed in us." Your wilderness may lead you through suffering, hardship, discipline, misunderstandings, and many
other unpleasant experiences. But God is building into your inner man
steadfastness, patience, wisdom, perseverance, knowledge, and forbearance.
God's very likeness and glory will shine forth from you because you have
walked with Him through the fire and through the flood.
 
Will you now accept and embrace your wilderness and walk patiently through it for the glory of God? It is important that we understand this, for if we walk reluctantly; complaining and murmuring with every step, our wilderness could become a place of bleached bones, as it was for the Israelites in Moses' day. But if you will recognize it, and embrace it, and walk through it with the praises of God in your heart and on your lips, God will bring you into a large and fruitful place! You will be totally fulfilled for you will see His glory revealed in you and through you to the building and expansion of Christ's Kingdom in the earth.
 
 

Forgiveness brings Revival

FORGIVENESS Brings REVIVAL
-by Tony Langton.

A few days ago a minister friend of mine traveled to Kentucky to
preach in a church. Shortly before he arrived, the pastor's wife
was stricken with illness. She requested prayer for healing, but
before she was prayed for, a man in the church asked her some
important questions. He asked, "When did this illness start and
what was happening in your life when you got sick?" She
answered by saying her illness started about the time a major
incident occured in their church daycare, in which she was
involved. The Lord revealed to this woman that she had critically
judged some people involved in the daycare incident. She
repented of this sin and was healed, which set the stage for
what God was going to do next.

Later my minister friend showed up to teach, among other things,
about the crucial need to forgive those who had wronged them
so they could be right with God. The Lord moved there in a
remarkable way as the Holy Spirit uncovered unforgiveness in
the leaders and the congregation. Many church people there
were convicted that God wanted to clear up all the relational
"viruses" before God could descend upon them in power.

My friend said that he personally prayed with approximately 40
people who were seeking repentance and wanting to make things
right with others in a congregation of about 150 folks. This is the
beginning of a true revival. I believe there will be an increased
movement of God in the future, but much of it will be preceded by
a time of great adversity where everything that can be shaken
will be shaken. In the middle of this crisis I believe there will be
an outpouring of God's Spirit. The Lord is giving His church the
forewarning so that we can have a song of praise in our hearts
beforehand and be prepared to help others.

Are there any relationships that you need to clear up?

~Tony Langton.

When others dissapoint you

When Others Disappoint You
by Os Hillman www.marketplaceleaders.org
________________________________________
"Do your best to come to me quickly, for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica" (2 Tim 4:9-10).
Adversity molded the apostle Paul into the greatest warrior for Christ the world has ever known. But there were times when adversity and disappointment took its toll on this rugged warrior. We can sense Paul's hurt and discouragement near the end of his second letter to Timothy:
Do your best to come to me quickly, for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica... At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me... Do your best to get here before winter (4:9-11,14,16,21).
Do you hear the pain in those words? Twice he urges Timothy to come to him. Do you feel his anguish when he twice speaks of being deserted by his friends?
In most of his letters, Paul seems to have an invincible spirit. Yet he was a man who suffered, felt betrayed, and was at times very lonely. However, Paul chose to look at life from a heavenly perspective. That's why he could write:
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body (2 Cor. 4:8-10).
Paul had experienced a level of opposition and suffering that you and I can scarcely imagine. People said they would do things but did not follow through. He could not depend on certain people. Yet he was not crushed, and he refused to give in to despair. He viewed his life as a continual process of dying. His goal was to live in such a way that the life of Jesus would be revealed in his response to adversity.
Beware of placing too much expectation on others. Realize that people will let you down from time to time, but do not let that impact your faith. Trust God to work even through these disappointments.

SESAL YANG DATANG TERLAMBAT

SESAL YANG DATANG TERLAMBAT

Sekalipun dosamu merah seperti kirmizi, akan menjadi putih seperti salju (Yesaya 1:18a)

Saat ia memandang putra kami, nampak air mata menetes di pipinya. Kutanyakan padanya,”Ada apa, Mbak?” Wajahnya makin tertunduk, ia menghela napasnya dalam-dalam dan berkata,”Seandainya waktu itu aku tidak mengaborsi anakku, pasti ia sudah sebesar putramu ini. Kenapa saat itu aku begitu picik dan mengambil sebuah keputusan yang menyebabkan rasa berdosa, yang menderaku siang dan malam. Tuhan pun pasti tidak akan mengampuniku, aku ini pembunuh….pembunuh darah dagingku sendiri”
Tangisannya mengeras saat kupeluk dirinya, ia menangis cukup lama dipundakku. Setelah ia cukup tenang, ia bertanya padaku,”Apakah Tuhan akan mengampuniku atas dosa pembunuhan ini. Sebab Tuhan telah menyatakan bahwa kita tidak boleh membunuh. Dan aku sudah membunuh jabang bayiku sendiri karena aku saat itu malu telah hamil sebelum menikah. Pasti Tuhan membenci dan menolakku.” Dengan tatapan penuh kasih, kupegang pundaknya dan mengatakan,”Tuhan mengasihi semua orang berdosa, dan Ia mati di kayu salib untuk menebus semua dosa kita. Apapun dosa itu, Tuhan akan mengampuni kita. Asalkan kita datang padaNya, mengakui dosa dan meninggalkan dosa yang telah kita perbuat itu.
Tuhan membenci dosa namun Ia mengasihi orang berdosa yang mau bertobat.
Semua kita pernah melakukan dosa dan kesalahan, seringkali kita menyesali kegagalan tersebut. Namun Tuhan tidak menghendaki kita tetap tinggal dalam penyesalan dan kekalahan. Tuhan ingin kita untuk bangkit dari dosa dan hidup dalam kebenaran.
Pertama-tama, sadari dosa dan kesalahan kita terhadap Tuhan dan sesama kita. Kedua, akui dosa itu di hadapan Tuhan, minta maaf pada orang yang telah kita lukai dan adakan restitusi bilamana diperlukan. Ketiga, lihatlah dirimu sebagai seorang ciptaan baru dan jangan hidup dalam masa lalu. Sebab kini kau ada di dalam Tuhan dan adalah ciptaan yang baru. Bila saat ini anda masih hidup dalam dosa, cepatlah betobat dan berbalik pada Tuhan. Sebab penyesalan selalu datang terlambat.

Doa: Tuhan ini aku seorang pendosa, hari ini kudatang dan mohon pengampunanMu. Biarlah anugerahMu turun atasku.

FT: Yohanes 8:1-11

INNER HEALING 3

INNER HEALING 3

Hi all, 
I mentioned last week I'd share about some of the people of the Bible that had emotional hurts they had to deal with. Space prevents me from going into detail of people like Jacob/Esau and their need for inner healing, or Joseph's severe trauma, or Mary, Lazarus' brother, or the woman at the well - and the list goes on - all real people with real emotional trauma who had to walk out their inner healing by thinking new thoughts and new ways. But there is time to share the stories of a couple people: 
 
He said, she said
King Saul had a son, Jonathan, who was David's best friend. They were in covenant together, and Jonathan had a son, Mephibosheth, who was lame. Do you know how he became crippled? II Samuel 4:4-5 reports that at age 5, when the news of Saul and Jonathan's deaths came to their families, Mephibosheth's nurse picked him up to run away but tripped and fell, and he become lame. (His name means "remover of shame")
 
Why was she running with him? Because the death of Saul and his dad meant that David would become king, and often all the family of the previous royal family was killed by the victor - so Saul and Jonathan's relatives were terrified of David. From the age of 5 Mephibosheth was terrified David would one day summon him to court for execution. Can you imagine the emotional scars that boy carried - first from fear for his life, and then the fact he was now crippled for life - all because of David.
 
One day David did call Mephibosheth before him. At the time Mephibosheth lived in Lodebar, which means "no pasture". It was a barren place, where he lived in constant fear for his life, and being crippled and having to depend on others, probably suffered lack in many areas - life was hard - and then the king summoned.
 
Unknown to Mephibosheth, David had said: "Is there yet any left of the family of Saul, that I may show kindness for Jonathan's sake?" That's why he summoned Mephibosheth. David's first words to him were: "Fear not; for I will surely show you kindness for Jonathan your father's sake, and will restore to you all the land of Saul your (grandfather); and you will eat at my table continually." (II Sam 9:1-8)
 
The emotional healing was starting. Mephibosheth had to un-believe the lies he had grown up believing about David. So too we must un-believe the lies about ourselves or our past - and believe God's perspective of the situation in order to heal. Mephibosheth was not asked to forget the deaths of his father and grandpa, he was merely asked to focus on the goodness of the king and his provision! David was offering provision today and in the future, AND restoration of lands lost. You may not be able to forget what you did or what was done to you, but the invitation is to be consumed with all the King has for you now!
 
Going through life while hanging onto man's view or Satan's view of our history is like eking out a living in Lodebar - no pasture - not enough to 'eat' spiritually and emotionally. The king was ready to restore the lushness that was his family's rightful place, but which Mephibosheth had never known. He had never seen his dad and grandfather's properties - but they belonged to him. He had to leave the place of no pasture, take that scary step to come before the king, and be willing to believe the King's good wishes for him.
 
The king says eat at my table and I will also restore all your lands - some of which you've not yet seen! The enemy says "at least you know Lodebar - it's not much, but it's safe!" 
 
Shame removed
Years later David had to flee for his life because his son Absalom wanted to be king in his stead. After the rebellion had been put down David returned to Jerusalem and II Samuel 19: 24 tells us: "Mephibosheth came down to meet the king, and had neither washed his feet nor trimmed his beard nor washed his clothes, from the day the king left until the day he came again in peace."
 
Mephibosheth had been so won over by the king that in his absence he mourned the whole time. In fact, he was so glad to see David that when David reaffirmed his offer to let Mephibosheth and Ziba divide their land, Mephibosheth told David that Ziba could have it all - he only cared that David was back in peace! (v29-30)
 
That's the way healing is. We may first look at the inheritance and what is 'rightfully' ours, and at first that seems what is important to us - regaining what has been lost. But later, when you live in that healing, in that emotional peace, you find that 'things' don't matter to you, only the peace you now have. Attaining 'land' you never had in the first place is icing on the cake, but not required for you to be happy.
 
You reach the place where Mephibosheth was, content to sit at the king's table, rejoicing in his presence!
 
Not a victim, but the "perp"
Who was the worst sinner in history up until about the year 33 AD? Herod who killed the babies of Bethlehem? Ahab and Jezebel who led Israel astray? Nope. It's Paul, or rather, Saul of Tarsus.
 
In I Timothy 1:15 Paul said "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief." The word "chief" is in the Greek, "proto", which means "first". It's where we get proto-type - the first, chief, and example for all that follow.
 
This man who met Christ on the way to Damascus says he was the worst sinner because he persecuted Christians, and refers to his persecution when he calls himself a "blasphemer, and a persecutor, and injurious"...but he received mercy.
 
He goes on to say in verse 16: "...in me first Jesus Christ might show all long-suffering, for a pattern to them who would hereafter believe on him to life everlasting..." The word "pattern" here originally meant a written outline or sketch, again bringing out that Paul's life and the mercy he received was a prototype or basic outline to help those who would believe on Jesus after him. If Paul can be saved, so can I!
 
How deep is your love?
But Paul struggled with guilt. He was there when Steven was stoned to death, and when Jesus appeared to him outside Damascus he didn't say "I am Jesus and you are persecuting my followers". He said, "I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting", such was the depth of his sin before God. (Acts 9:5)
 
To the Corinthians he revealed his inner struggle: "And last of all he was seen of me also, as one born out of due time, for I am the least of all the apostles, that am not worthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God." (I Cor 15:9)
 
"Born out of due time" is one word, "ektroma", and means "abortion or miscarriage", and was originally used in the Roman Senate to describe a proposed bill that was killed in conference or on the Senate floor. Paul said that's how he felt about his life - born at the wrong time, as an abortion or miscarried life - he didn't see the ministry of Jesus, persecuted the church, and then to top it all off, Jesus made him an apostle!
 
Many people who have been the victim and/or victimizer of friends and family, wrestle with feelings of "it would have been better if I'd never been born", as Paul struggled here. In one way he felt his life had been a waste, and even as he wrote he said he considered himself the least of the apostles.
 
On the other hand he could not argue with the fact that he had been shown mercy, for he told the Galatians: "...but it pleased God , who separated me from my mother's womb, and called me by his grace, to reveal his Son in me, that I might preach him..." (1:15-16)
 
His memory of the past hadn't been erased, but redeemed. He remembered so he could see God's mercy in his life and be used for inner healing in his life.
 
15 years later or more after he was saved he is writing to Timothy, the Corinthians, and the Galatians - yet his inner struggles flowed fresh from his pen even then.
 
Heaven's scales
Paul had to do what we all have to do. We have to weigh out both sides. On the one hand, a life filled with wasted years - a miscarriage of a life before coming to Christ. On the other hand he was shown mercy and called as an apostle. He had to choose to believe God rather than continually looking over his shoulder at his past sins. And it should be noted that in I Timothy 1:15 he used present tense: "...Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, of whom I AM CHIEF..."
 
He lived ever-aware of his sin that he might live ever-aware of God's grace in his life. Like Paul we must look forward and be consumed with the King's provision and mercy today, and not looking over our shoulder at the past; aware of our past yes, consumed or focused on the past, no.
 
He had to forgive himself - that's what it got down to. God felt he was worth saving and making an example of, so he had to get over himself and trust the King.
 
In his last letter Paul said "I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed to him against that (last) day." (II Tim 1:12) We all have a past that we committed to him the day we believed on Jesus; the key is getting to know him whom we've entrusted.
 
When we get to know Him more and better, we will begin to think his thoughts concerning our lives, and the healing will flow. Then we will be like Paul; our lives a pattern and example to those who will believe because of the mercy shown us!
 
Some thoughts this week,
Blessings,
John Fenn
www.ifaithhome.org
Skype: Jfenntulsa

INNER HEALING 2

Hi all,
We left off talking about the Corinthian's alternative and abusive lifestyles, with the pivot point being that they were now washed, set apart for, and justified by God when they met Jesus, leaving all that was former behind, and had to start thinking new thoughts. The way they were healed emotionally is the same for us. 
 
John's story
Paul said in Romans 12:3 "I speak through the grace given unto me." He couldn't speak according to the grace given to Peter, but only to himself. So this is part of my grace, my story of emotional or 'inner' healing: Before my dad sat us 4 kids down (ages 11/me; 9, 7, 5) on February 7, 1969 and told us, "I am divorcing your mother, and I'm divorcing you kids. There won't be any ball games, birthdays, holidays, Christmas's, or vacations..." life with him was an emotional washing machine. To give you an idea, that was his 35th birthday - some celebration wasn't it? He was going to start his 36th year with a clean slate - sans family.
 
In the years before he left one brother regularly had visible welts on his lower back, rear end and thighs from the belt (for some reason I got the old fraternity paddle on my rear), but we all had emotional welts in our young emotions. Dinner time was like the Von Trapp's before Maria sat on the pine cone in "The Sound of Music" - sit straight, speak if spoken to, give a daily report on school and such.
 
Dad's dad was an alcoholic who got suicidal and violent when drunk, and he made several suicide attempts before he finally succeeded. The summer I was 7 years old I remember asking "pop-o" as we called him, what the bandages were on each wrist, and he said he had cut himself in the shop. Years later I found out he had slit his wrists but had been discovered. He eventually succeeded in finding the hidden pistol my dad had taken from him during a previous attempt, taking his own life in October of 1965, when I was 7 1/2.
 
I remember the day clearly: The phone call for dad from my grandma; his dad was drunk and had a gun. I saw my dad searching frantically through the drawers in his dresser and saying "It's gone!" I remember mom and dad saying he must have searched and found it Sunday when they were over for dinner. The next thing I knew, dad raced out of the house after telling grandma to leave her house immediately, and that night being told dad was too late - Pop-o was dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. He also killed their pet dog, and I'm sure would have killed grandma too had she not obeyed my dad and left immediately.
 
Fast forward
Those are just a few details - Dad also shot the neighbors cat with a rifle because it was (once again) in our sandbox, dad violently pulling me out of bed in the middle of the night to do a chore for some minor infraction - like I didn't empty the trash before bed - and so forth.
 
But you get the idea. So when he left when I was 11 1/2, I felt, and I know we all did to varying degrees, that if we had not been born mom and dad would still be together. Dad contributed to the idea we were partly to blame when he said he was leaving in part because we didn't always jump up to greet him with enthusiasm when he came through the door after a hard day at work - just what every child wants to hear from his dad.
 
So at age 16, when my friend Janny led me to the Lord, I was searching for a dad. But the truth was, that I delayed getting to know Jesus because I didn't think he would want me. My self image was lower than a snake's belly - why would God want me? What could he possible do with my life? Janny had to encourage me repeatedly that he did in fact want me, that he could make something of my life.
 
I was numb and didn't care about life: Dropped out of Boy Scouts, flunked a semester of freshman algebra, dropped bowling league, swimming, scuba lessons, flying lessons - all just 'things' to keep me busy - but inside I just didn't care about anything in life. Until Janny talked to me about God.
 
My hunger for a dad won out, realizing that if Jesus had the last word it only made sense to serve him - so I asked him to take over my life if he really wanted me, got to know the Father, and never looked back.
 
Healing, forgiveness, the battle for the mind
My dad had met another woman who had 2 kids of her own, and he promised to raise her kids as his own, forsaking his own completely. He built them all a nice home with an indoor pool 20 minutes across town, while my mom went back to graduate school at night and worked out of our house doing bookkeeping.
 
His new life meant any relationship with us 4 kids was kept from his wife. Thus by the time I could drive, any meeting with dad took place at his office, going in the back door, and began or ended with these words: "Remember, ___ must never know anything about this. If she asks I'll deny it, and you must too." That was 1974-77. It wasn't until 1996 dad and she wrote that she now knew about our secret meetings and college.
 
Even on our honeymoon, for which dad was kind enough to loan Barb and me one of his condos in south Florida for 2 weeks, it was a deal between he and I. When I went to the condo office to get the key, the lady was floored to discover I was the first born son, John Jr., eldest of 4 - she knew nothing of us, his first marriage, or anything, though she had known my dad and worked closely with him for over 10 years.
 
I made Jesus Lord at age 16, and over the next 2 years the Father tried to rebuild my emotions. Even then, at age 18 during a retreat with 2 buddies to rededicate our lives to God, I was telling him how much I wanted to serve him, but just knew I was no good and he would never want me.
 
It was during the playing of a Nancy Honeytree album, on the last song on side 2 entitled "I am Your Servant" (written by the late Larry Norman), that Jesus broke through my anguish saying: "John, I love you!" I was startled, and replied "I love you too, Lord." He said "Turn to John 14:27" I said "Now Lord?" and he replied, "Yes, now". "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you; not as the world gives, give I to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
 
Revelation
At that moment I knew that he accepted me and my desire to serve him, and that He had made me good enough to be used of him, by his blood - just like anyone else. I had spent 2 years in anguish about my self image, whether the Father and Jesus really and truly wanted me or not - and it was that revelation that healed that image, starting me down the road to once and for all think about myself as the Father and Jesus did. From that point on I met every negative thought about myself with God's thoughts about me.
 
And that's how you get healed emotionally; a revelation followed by the discipline of confronting every thought contrary to what God says about you, with what he does say about you. In the same way Satan told Jesus to turn stones to bread but was met with what God said, so too I had to meet each and every thought about how no-good I was, with what God said about me.
  
Forgiveness is a decision, not an emotion or feeling
I decided to forgive my dad at age 16, in the midst of all the secret meetings and broken promises, realizing when Jesus said "When you stand praying, forgive" in Mark 11:25, he made it a decision not an emotion.
 
My feelings were still raw about my dad, and stayed so for the next 10 years, all the while continually repeating my decision to forgive him. For 10 years my emotions did not line up with my decision.
 
The memories assaulted my emotions in living color and full Dolby Surround Sound on a big screen, replayed repeatedly to the point of being worn out. Yet each memory had to be confronted, often speaking out loud to myself, "No, I forgave that", but usually only saying it after I had played it all out again in my mind. At times the "No I forgave that" came more from habit than any feeling I felt at the moment, and then I'd be angry at whatever triggered it - a letter from my brother, a conversation that recalled a memory - but it was a decision I had made and I knew that eventually my feelings would line up with my decision.
 
The Father really stirred things up in me once our 3 sons were born. Yes God, not the devil, because the memories weren't the devil, they were just history. God was bringing them to the surface like dross on a pot of melted gold that needed to be scraped off. Once a person's spirit is recreated by the Holy Spirit, the life of God tries to flow up to our minds, and that life shines itself on any dark places there. (Phil 1:6)
 
Emotional healing is allowing God to shine his Light on, and interpret our personal history as seen through his eyes, back to us. We see events as he saw them. He does not shy away from the ugly truth, but His perspective brings healing while leaving (most) memories intact, just removing the damage and pain.
 
I kept thinking about what he did, and would get angry all over again. But finally it boiled down to 2 things: 1 was the relationship with him that was lost; and 2 was the injustice of it all. The injustice made me mad, the lost relationship made me sulk and turn inward. I felt robbed and felt a bit sorry for myself - I wanted to know my dad but he still wanted nothing to do with me - it was so unfair.
 
The Father gently brought me over 10 years time, to the place I realized I could never regain the teen years I never had with my dad, and I was at peace with letting those years go to the Father. You might think I would have been glad to be rid of my dad, but the truth is there was a lot of good in him; he taught me much, and it was those good times I wanted back.
 
One day in December of 1984 or '85, I clearly heard the Father say; "Call your dad and ask him to forgive you." I balked, more than that I was angry - "Me ask HIM to forgive ME? Are you crazy, Father? He should be calling me!" "Call your dad and ask him to forgive you" was his response.
 
I obeyed...here is the exact conversation as best as I remember it: "Hello dad, this is John. How are you?" "Very well" in his best business-like voice. "I have something to ask you. Will you please forgive me for anything I've done or said to you that hurt you?".....silence..."Dad, will you?" "Very well." "Ok dad, that's all I wanted, how is ____? Are you doing OK?" "We're fine." "OK...thanks, that's all I wanted. Merry Christmas."
 
That freed me somehow - never since have I struggled with the anger associated with the injustice of it all, the hurt inflicted... The memories are there, but the pain is gone. The memories are there, but there is no anger - sadness over what's lost? Yes. Wishing that even today he would take the initiative to call or email? Yes. Hoping that even on his death bed if nothing else, he might come to the Lord and/or I might see him again? Yes, with all the emotions that entails.
 
But the Father became my father, and turned me into a good husband and father. More than that, I have had and continue to have wonderful revelations of the Father and his realm, and walk in that intimacy with him. That which I lost on earth, has been made up for so far above by my heavenly Father, yet I still miss my dad, but with no pain associated with the memories.
 
To get to healing I had to do the hard work over many years of confronting every emotion and memory that was contrary to what the Father says about me or about any situation or any person, as a way of life. But without hesitation I freely admit it was the Father working within my emotions to stir things up for the purpose of healing, and then meet me with understanding, and patience, thus the glory and credit is all his.
 
Stay tuned for part 3...
 
Some thoughts this week,
John Fenn
www.ifaithhome.org
Skype: Jfenntulsa