Overcoming Your Fear Of People

Overcoming Your Fear Of People
By Bob Gass www.thevine.co.nz

Do you avoid certain activities and social occasions because of insecurity? If so, you might have 'social phobia,' the fear of being inadequate, embarrassed or negatively evaluated. Some of us even experience panic attacks that leave us immobilised to the point of dysfunction. Yet it's avoiding such situations rather than facing them, that allows our fears to control us. How great our fear becomes depends on what we say to ourselves when it hits. And what we say to ourselves is largely a function of what psychologists call our 'sub-personality type.' Here are some common sub-personality types, and ways we can handle them:

'The Worrier.' Worriers anticipate the worst, create grandiose images of potential tragedy, and are always hyper-vigilant for any small signs of trouble. Their favourite self-talk expression is, 'But what if… ?' Learn to replace your worrier self-talk with, 'So, what if… By God's grace I can learn to handle this. I can feel anxious and still do it. I don't like it, but I can stand it until it passes. I'll get used to it with practice and God's help.' When Jeremiah's fears kicked in and he wanted to run from a public speaking assignment, God said to him: 'you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you. And don't be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and will protect you… ' (Jeremiah 1:7-8 NLT). Instead of running from it, choose to face it in faith; and watch how God will get you through it!

Another sub-personality type contributing to our fear of people is called 'The Critic.' It's that part of you which constantly judges your own behaviour, compares you unfavourably with others, points out your flaws and reminds you you're a failure. Its favourite self-talk expressions are, 'You're stupid; can't you ever get it right? Look how capable so-and-so is. How come you can't be like them?' While 'the worrier' suffers from anxiety, 'the critic' suffers from low self-worth. What's the answer? Learn to replace your critic self-talk with, 'They're what God made them; I'm what God made me, and I accept myself as His unique creation. I make mistakes, but I'm not a mistake. With God's grace, I'm working on being the lovable, capable person God made me.'

'The Victim' is another sub-personality type underlying our fears. It's that part of us which feels helpless or hopeless, believes we're inherently inadequate and unworthy, sees insurmountable obstacles in our path, and bemoans the way things are. Its favourite self-talk expressions include, 'I can't… It's useless. I'll never be able to. Why even bother?' Replace your victim self-talk with, 'I don't have to be perfect now. I'm a new creature in Christ and I'm growing a little more each day. I choose to see the glass half-full rather than half-empty. Since God says I can, I choose to believe I can; and I will in His time and way.' Face your fears. Do what you've been afraid to do. God's promise, 'I am with thee… ' (Jeremiah 1:19 KJV), was all Jeremiah needed and it's all you need too.

Don't be afraid… for I, the Lord, will be with you and see you through.
Jeremiah 1:8 TLB

At a coastal aquarium a big barracuda kept trying to attack a mackerel, but a glass barrier stopped it. After repeatedly bumping his nose into the barrier, he finally gave up and quit trying. Later when the barrier was removed, the barracuda would swim to the point where the barrier had been - but he could go no further. To him that barrier was still there. Are you like that? Do you have imaginary barriers in your mind that say "so far and no further?"

When God called Jeremiah to be a prophet to the nation, he told the Lord that he was a lousy speaker, wasn't qualified and couldn't do the job. Immediately God said, "Don't say that" (Jeremiah 1:7 NLT). There are certain things you've got to stop saying if you're ever to break through your mental barriers and self-imposed limitations. What God said to Jeremiah, He's saying to you today. "You will go where I send you, you'll do what I enable you to do, and whatever I have promised I will bring to pass in your life" (Jeremiah 1:7).

God wants to change your conditioned response patterns and false belief systems. He wants to give you a new pair of glasses. Instead of seeing what you expect, He wants you to see what's possible. Instead of expecting the worst, He wants you to begin looking for the best - for that's what He has in mind for you today.