5 Traits of a Lasting Marriage

“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” Agatha Christie, novelist.

There’s that couple at the family reunion or special event that just celebrated their 50th anniversary or higher. They are beloved by those around them. Through all of the difficulties, they stayed together. All kinds of things happen along the way that knock many off the path and out of the race. Most marriages start off pledging to make it until the end. We say, “Til death do us part,” but nobody tells us how to go about pulling that off. Marriage is hard!

The foundation of marital success is always common purpose. [Tweet This] That can be a lot of different things, and sometimes it doesn’t necessarily even include emotion. But the one “must” factor of a lasting marriage is that both must be unwavering in their dedication. In the 27th year of marriage with aging setting in harder, more painfully, and life full of complications, it’s not the romantic charms of each person that are going to sustain the relationship. It’s the foundation of common purpose.

So how do we build such a foundation? How do we actually become what we vowed we would be? Here are some thoughts on that:

1. Shared Vision

It’s recommended to share a common long-term vision. Set a course with attainable milestone goals, and follow that vision with both partners in agreement. If your wife wants one set of things and you’re thinking in an entirely different direction, it’s simply going to be a train wreck most of the time. Individual paths such as career desires have to mesh with the overall agenda.

2. Understand the Timeline

Marriage and parenthood follow distinct timelines: honeymoon, early marriage, infants, toddlers, young children, preteens, teens, college, and release into adulthood. Understand and enjoy each moment that you are currently in and work as a team to best maximize those days. They each come with their own unique blessings and tough challenges. My wife and I are currently in the teens with our two. In our shared vision, we are planning ahead for what we call the “Free 50s.”

3. Avoid Unrealistic Expectations

In life, there is the reality that we are living, and there is the portrayal of how media and entertainment says we should live. Taking the latter seriously is a bad idea. It’s either there merely to entertain, or it’s there to sell you something. In either case, it’s not reality. The couples that survive the test of time understand clearly that each day is not going to be a bed of roses. Romance is not always going to be in full bloom. There will be days when you annoy each other, and there will be days when you want to pull your hair out. But somehow, it all blends together perfectly on the timeline as you sail along. Stay the course.

4. Respect

It cannot be overstated how important respect is to each of us. Life can be cruel and we can get kicked around, but we truly need the people we love to respect us enough to not do the same as the world might. Martin Luther wrote, “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” That’s accomplished simply by showing proper respect. Practice and apply it daily.

5. Faith in the Center

As a young husband and new dad, I decided to return to the church. I had wandered far away in action, if not in spirit. I became friends with the pastor and he was a major guide for me into true adulthood. He provided me with the best advice I’ve ever been given up until this point. “If you place Christ in the center of your marriage and keep him there, your marriage will never fail.” My wife and I did that. Though our marriage has faced the usual amount of trials and tests, we’ve kept Christ right there. We’re as strong as we were the day we pledged that. Put your faith directly in the center of your marriage.

IN MY DARKNESS HOURS

Friday, July 24, 2015